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It had been a while since I masturbated, and I almost forgot the sensation. Almost.I was close to cumming when that damn voice started again. It said, "Are you deaf? I said If you play with it you will come. Not spelled c u m but c o m e.”What a time for a fuckin' spelling bee.I stopped masturbating and wondered who was behind this voice.I then thought, who cares and went back to masturbating until I came.The following day, I woke up with the sudden urge to plow under a few acres of cucumbers and build a baseball field. All my neighbors thought I was nuts. Some asked why I did it and all I could say was, "If I play with it you will come." The local farmhands snickered but I noticed their overalls were sporting more tents than a Boy Scouts Jamboree.One day after making my field, a stranger showed up at my door. He bore a striking resemblance to Jon Lovitz. Why couldn't it have been Kevin Costner? He stood outside for several minutes, looking at the baseball field.I opened the door and. The collar was turned up for God's sake.His brand new jeans were pre-faded and carefully pre-torn. To get a pair of normally-colored jeans this faded he would have had to buy them before his bar mitzvah.He finished off the look with a pair of tan, Steve Madden flip flops with an almost squared-off toe. All he needed was an imported beer in his hand."What the hell are you wearing?" I asked him.He didn't immediately respond. Sunny appeared from the direction of the living room."Sunny, how could you let him out of the house dressed like this?" I tried to tell him," she said."Jeff, what were you thinking?" I asked."Well, we had this party tonight with your friends, and you always roll your eyes at what I wear. So, I decided to get something cool. I went to the Izod store.How do I put this nicely?"Jeff, you're not cool like other guys. No matter how you dress, nobody's ever going to mistake you for a hip, cool dude."You're cool like Jeff. Nobody else is like Jeff. You know who you are and.
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